Team Building Fails That Put the Fun in Dysfunction

Managers love camaraderie, even if they practically have to kill their workers to get it. Unfortunately, there are few things that strike dread in the hearts of co-workers than “team building exercises” that nobody but the boss loves.

We’re not talking about billionaire bosses that lavish cars, diamonds and vacations on employees to keep morale high, however. No, we’re discussing those times where management drags you away from your desk (piled high with work, of course) and cram you into a room with co-workers who probably want to be there less than you. Don’t get us wrong, there are many great examples of team-building exercises that work AND are actually fun to do.

What makes a team building exercise worthwhile?

Team building experts tend to agree on certain things that can make your activities effective and appreciated by your employees. When planning your next event, take these suggestions to heart.

Your team building activity needs to be:

1. Relevant

If the activity isn’t relevant to an employee’s work or work environment, it will be seen as a waste of time. They’ll be more focused on the work still sitting on their desks rather than the activity.

2. Respectful

Respect the abilities—and limitations—of your group. Forming a department softball team might seem like a terrific team-building activity, but if an employee cannot participate for any reason, they’ll feel left out or worse, mocked. For instance, your 60-year old employee with a pacemaker shouldn’t be running the bases on a 100-degree day in the summer. And, the 34-year old single mom of three girls is probably too busy to either practice or play in games because she is stretched thin taking care of her girls.

3. Collaborative, not competitive

You’re building a team, not creating a department pecking order.

4. Goal-oriented

Make sure every employee is crystal clear about what you want them to get out to the event. If you cannot come up with a reason that makes business sense, you probably shouldn’t do it.

5. Done during work hours

Sure, occasional after-hours events can be a blast, but employees value their time away from work. Schedule your team building activity during work hours and “on the clock” which means your employees are still getting paid.

6. Fun  

Duh ….

Whatever you do, don’t be like these bosses

These examples of team building activities are all real and all really frightening that someone somewhere thought they’d be a good idea. Here they are, ranked from bad to worse:

5. Hi-yo, Silver!

One hot August day, a manager took his team out to a horse farm to dabble in some “horse whispering” meant to improve their communication skills.  (With themselves, or the horses?) But even the overwhelming stench from the plentiful horse … um … fertilizer wasn’t the worst part of the exercise. When the staff gathered in the middle of the barn, one horse spooked and charged towards the group, nearly trampling one of them. On the bright side, it definitely was a bonding experience because, for a few seconds, they all thought they were going to die.

4. You’re such a nut!

While doing a communication activity between two departments that normally didn’t interact at work together, the staff members intermingled by standing in circles holding hands. Unfortunately, the tedium was broken up by the need to call an ambulance.  It seems one guy from accounting who just loved to snack on peanuts was, unfortunately, holding hands with a woman from marketing who had a severe peanut allergy. Last time we checked, anaphylactic shock doesn’t usually engender trust. No word on if the next team-building event will come with epi-pens instead of highlighters.

3. Pass the soap, sir.

In Japan, they do something called “naked relationships” where bosses and employees (of the same gender, luckily) take baths together. After showering and washing their hair in a public facility, the team gets together in a bathtub that usually is a local hot spring. The idea is that when everyone is naked, they are equal and will feel free to discuss anything. We’re pretty sure a million questions would pop into our minds … none of which we would ask for fear of getting fired!

2. Did anyone here not see the movie, “127 Hours”?

An outdoorsy he-man of a manager decided it would be a good idea to go to a nearby canyon with his team because one of his staff was afraid of heights and another was severely claustrophobic. He felt that it would help the two get over their fears. He also hoped it would help his group improve their teamwork. The event began with a 50-meter rappel down a cliff wall which, as they descended, narrowed into a dark, narrow space. Once they squeezed through the opening, there was a dark mountain lake at the bottom. The two employees did make it to the bottom (barely), but got a bigger shock when they realized the only way out was the way they came in. Much hyperventilating and many tears ensued.

1. Catch me if you can. Seriously … please catch me.

There is one team-building exercise that has become so hated it is the butt of a million jokes and internet memes. It’s the one where an employee closes his or her eyes, puts their arms out and then falls back into the arms of one or more co-workers whose only job is to catch their falling comrade.  Problems happen when 105-pound women try to catch 240-pound guys. Hopefully, your company’s health insurance covers concussions and CAT-scans.

The moral of the story is … if you’re planning a team-building event for your office, avoid having it become an event that people dread and complain about.