What to Do When People Aren't Listening to You at Work

It’s a common complaint at work that people don’t feel listened to. You speak and the words don’t seem to land or have any effect. 

Not feeling heard is frustrating and over time can make you stop caring or contributing. You share an idea or concern with your boss; They don’t seem as bothered or excited as you think they should be. In fact, they're almost dismissive. Or you contribute an idea in a meeting and no one reacts. Then someone else says something similar and there’s excitement. Were they listening when you spoke? Is there a way to make someone listen to you?

These situations can make you feel that you’re being intentionally ignored. But consider if the reason is less personal, less intentional – and more easily fixed. 

While you can't make someone listen to you, you can change how you say something. Doing this encourages listening. 

Listening takes effort

Most of us can recall times when we didn't fully listen to someone. We didn’t take their advice. We tuned out half-way through and missed part of what they said. Or we simply didn’t understand and didn’t bother to ask for clarification. 

Why do people do this? 

Because listening takes effort. Human brains are designed to conserve energy, tuning out when we think we “know” what the person is going to say, or when we don’t see the value of listening. Everyone does this. Not just your boss or colleagues. Not just you.

People must be paying attention to fully comprehend. 

By focusing on how you say things, you can alter how someone listens to you. 

Your ideas must be clear and concise so people can easily grasp their significance. Your body language and tone must match the urgency or excitement of your words. And it helps if you have built strong work relationships and demonstrated your competence or skill in the past.

Why should you change your approach?  Because you can’t control whether someone listens to you. You can only make it easy and rewarding for them to do so.

Ways to encourage people to listen to you:

1. Listen to them. 

   Regularly model the listening behavior you want from others. Consider your own attentiveness or judgement as a listener. Do you focus on the other person or are you distracted by your phone, computer or other tasks? Do you interrupt or offer unsolicited advice or input – shifting into “expert mode” when they simply needed you to listen?

2. Make sure they’re ready to listen. 

   Sometimes we start talking before someone is fully tuned into us. They’re distracted, busy or tired. Develop the habit of helping people prepare. Saying things like “Do you have a few minutes to discuss the new project?” or “Could I get your thoughts on a shipping issue?”  or “I’d like to give you some feedback on the Lansing Project.”  These initial words help listeners tune in. 

3. Tell them up front what you need from them.  

   Are you giving someone input? Asking for input? Are you sharing feedback on how to improve something? When people know why they’re listening, it helps them focus. “Meghan, I’d like to go over the directions for how we submit pages to the project team. There are about 12 steps, so you may want to jot down a few notes.”  Saying something like this up front prepares the listener. Without this information, they may assume it’s a 2-step process they can remember or figure out on their own.

4. Keep things simple. 

   One reason people stop listening is because they feel lost. So, always explain your point concisely and clearly. Give context. And don’t embellish unnecessarily. Stick to one topic so people don’t become overwhelmed. “There are two questions I’d like us to consider in launching this project without any delays.” Then state the two things and stop talking.

5. Watch your energy. 

   Lack of emotion, monotone, or no pauses or variation in pacing keeps your audience from understanding the importance of your words and holding their attention. If you're nervous about a conversation, practice not just the words but the points you want to emphasize.

6. Connect with and involve listeners. 

   Connection beats information. When you’re in a technical role at work, you likely have access to loads of information to support your ideas or concerns. Sharing too much information can cause people to be overwhelmed. Instead of an information dump, consider which information matters most to your listener. Ask questions to help ensure they understand the significance. 

7. Explain in different ways. 

   Be prepared to state something in a different way. If there are questions, instead of simply repeating the same thing, try stating it in another way. Give examples helping to make things clear from their perspective. If you’re an engineer talking with someone in marketing (or vice versa), cut the technical jargon and consider why what you’re saying matters to this person. If you know your boss will be interested in how your concern or idea affects the bottom line. Be prepared. Talk their language.

8. Ask for feedback and take ownership. 

   If you adjust your communication approach and you still don't feel listened to, ask for feedback. “I brought up an idea in our one-on-one last week that I’m really excited about. I know you have a lot on your plate. Do you have any suggestions for how I could better share my ideas/concerns with you?”

Learn more about gaining attention and support for your ideas in our online workshop: How to Become a Better Communicator.

Want people to listen to you? Instead of focusing on what the other person is doing wrong, consider some small adjustments that will help you become someone people are drawn to listen to.