6 Ways to Encourage the Respect You Deserve at Work

We all want to be respected and appreciated at work. In fact, feeling disrespected at work is a top reason people quit their jobs, according to Pew Research. They feel overlooked or that their opinions and abilities aren’t valued, even though they’re highly competent and doing their jobs well.

Although it’s not possible to control someone’s opinion of you, there are things you can do to gain the respect of those around you, even if you don’t have an important title that commands respect or a large portion of your work happens behind the scenes.

How others treat you is at least 75% your responsibility, according to Kathleen Kelley Reardon for Harvard Business Review. Sure, there are bad bosses and challenging assignments; despite those obstacles, subtle shifts in work habits and the way you present yourself can help you gain the admiration of those around you.

First, it bears repeating, competence is not the only driver of being respected. Trust and positivity are also vital ingredients that can take time and intention.

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Let’s look at a few workplace trust- and respect-building ingredients:

1. Rephrase your language to be positive.

   If you’re someone who tackles projects with enthusiasm, be sure your conversation and emails match. When something (or someone’s role in your project) is outside your control, frustration can creep in. Avoid words like “impossible,” “unfortunately,” and “problems” in emails such as this negative sentence: “Unfortunately, we’ll miss the impossibly tight deadline because of the problems some people had in getting their portion of the project completed.” In conversations or requests, ask for what you do want rather than what you don’t want. Instead of saying “Don’t miss the deadline” say “I’ll need everyone’s portion of this assignment back by Friday end of day so we can make the deadline.” These are subtle things that over time can make a huge difference in how people perceive you.

2. Encourage the people around you.

   If you’re feeling invisible and that some of your work goes unnoticed, consider if this is happening to others around you – even your own boss. Let colleagues at every level know how much you admire their work, their attitude, or their input. Be specific when you point these things out so your praise and encouragement feels authentic to the other person, and is something you genuinely notice.

3. Really listen.

   Give your complete attention to someone when you’re talking. By focusing on the individual, and not peeking at your phone or computer screen, you’re showing respect. By interrupting or disagreeing, you’re showing disrespect. Asking questions also enables the other person to keep talking and clarify what they’re saying, which shows them that you’re paying attention. Wait for them to finish before interjecting. Modeling these behaviors will earn you respect (and might even encourage those around you to do the same).

4. Limit how often you use the word “I”.

   The natural tendency when you feel overlooked is to subtly draw attention to yourself, perhaps by pointing out your accomplishments. However, using the word “I” less can actually make people see you as more powerful and confident. According to research by psychologist James Pennebaker, in a work relationship, often the person with the higher status uses the word “I” less.

5. Be ambitious and follow through.

   Having high expectations and ambitious goals for yourself shows those around you that you don’t settle. Having those same expectations for others shows them that you respect them and expect their best as well. Do your best to hit every deadline so others know you are reliable.

6. Take pride in what you do.

   You are important! Know your worth and never downplay what you do. Keep learning and growing so you always feel empowered and capable. Set healthy workplace boundaries and show respect for others’ boundaries by keeping the lines between work and personal hours clear. Good communication can help with this.

Not feeling respected or valued at work can take its toll, affecting your energy, emotions, health and productivity. If you’re feeling unappreciated, consider little changes you can make to the way you work and interact that model the behavior you expect and deserve.

This article has been updated from it's original June 6, 2023 post.

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