9 Tips to Overcoming the Fear That’s Holding You Back

Considering today is Halloween, I thought this would be an appropriate time to discuss something that many people struggle with at work as well as in their personal lives: fear. Fear takes many forms, but people generally overcome it and move on. Other times, fear causes people to hesitate far too long and they miss opportunities to show their best sides. At work, this includes speaking up with your ideas during meetings … asking your boss for a well-deserved and woefully overdue raise … or jumping at an offer of what seems to be a better job from another company. So, what can you do to overcome your fear?

Unfortunately, this isn’t easy. Fear is an incredibly complex emotion that arises from countless factors. It can come from trauma or past experiences. It doesn’t even have to be your experience (“I had a friend that did [blank] once and he couldn’t lift his arm for a week!!!”). Other fears come from physical symptoms they cause in the body. For example, a fear of heights is because it makes you dizzy and nauseous, which is unpleasant.

First things first … fear is part of being human

Fear is our most powerful survival emotion. It’s what helped keep our cautious ancestors alive when they left the cave so a saber-toothed tiger wouldn’t eat them. It’s also why, when you burn yourself by absentmindedly grabbing something hot on the stove, it sits forever in the back of your mind every time you approach a hot pot on the stove. You remember the pain and don’t want to revisit the feeling.

Science divides fear into two parts: biochemical and emotional.

The biochemical response is universal to all humans and you might know it as the “fight or flight” response. When we perceive a threat, our bodies automatically start pumping adrenaline, our heart rates increase, and we become more alert. The only question for our brains to figure out is are we going to run away or stay and fight.

On the other hand, the emotional response to fear is highly individualized and this is the response that we can control. It’s why some people love roller coasters, scary movies and haunted houses and others wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near them.  

How we react to fear is up to us

We can handle many things that frighten us at the office and in real life, but there always seem to be certain things that make us freeze. It doesn’t even have to make sense. If that’s the case, try using one of these nine tips to help you overcome your fear. While they all might not work for you, at least one of them should.  

Nine ways to fight your fears and anxiety:

1. Take time out

You can’t think clearly when your mind is flooded with fear or anxiety. Distract yourself — even for just a few minutes — by taking a break away from your desk, going for a short walk outside, making a cup of your favorite hot tea (chamomile or peppermint work best with stress) or take an early lunch. If you have an amazing boss who treasures mentally healthy employees, maybe take an impromptu afternoon off for a mental health break.

2. Breathe through panic

Remember that you cannot control the fear, but you can control your reaction to it. If you start to panic, stay right where you are and simply … feel it. Put the palms of your hands on your stomach and breath slowly and deeply. Soon, your mind will adjust to cope with the panic and remove the fear.

Try these anxiety-reducing breathing exercises from healthline.com

3. Face your fears

Avoiding fears only makes them scarier. Whatever your fear, if you face it, it should start to fade. If you get a panic attack getting into an elevator one day, it’s best to get back on it the very next day.

4. Look at the evidence

It often helps to challenge fearful thoughts. For instance, if you’re scared of dying inside that elevator in #3 above because you just KNOW the cable will break and you’ll fall 25 stories to your death, look up the facts.

Fun fact: The only known occurrence of an elevator car free falling due to a snapped cable (barring fire or structural collapse), was in 1945. A B-25 bomber crashed into the Empire State Building, severing the cables of two elevators. The elevator car on the 75th floor had a woman on it, but she survived due to the 1,000 feet of coiled cable that fell under the car, which lessened the impact.  

Fun fact #2: The "Close Door" button doesn't do anything unless you have the key turned (such as when workers or emergency personnel use it). So, for you less than courteous folks who wear it out trying to shut the door before anyone else can get on (I'm looking at you, New Yorkers!), you're not the cause of it closing. BTW ... this fun fact has nothing to do with fear, but I thought it was interesting.   

5. Don’t try to be perfect

Life is full of stresses, but a lot of us feel like we’re failing because our lives aren’t “perfect.” Despite what you see on social media’s, NOBODY has a perfect life. Setbacks happen and it’s important to remember that life is messy. Take a break from social media (Mine has lasted five months from Facebook and Instagram and it is heaven) or at least do a digital detox. You won’t regret it.

6. Visualize a happy place

Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a place of safety and calm or remember a happy memory from childhood. Let the positivity sink in until you feel more relaxed.

7. Talk about it

Sharing fears takes away a lot of their scariness. If you cannot talk to a partner, friend or family member, call a helpline such as these from PsychGuides.com (numbers and descriptions listed at the end of this blog).

8. Go back to basics

Many people turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with anxiety, but this will only make matters worse. Simple, everyday things like getting a good night's sleep every night, eating more nutritious meals and less fast food, and getting more exercise are often the best cures for anxiety.

9. Reward yourself

Finally, give yourself a treat. When you finally speak up in that meeting with your brilliant idea (that almost everyone loved, by the way, except Frank, but … screw Frank!), reinforce your success by treating yourself to a glass of a really good wine for dinner, a night out at the movies, finally buying that new book by your favorite author, or … taking a nice evening walk with a loved one. Whatever makes you happy.

A final word about this blog

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I want to say that I wrote this blog for people who are coping with everyday fears. I know there are a lot of you who are suffering from too much fear and anxiety. Or, perhaps you know someone with anxiety and want to help. If you think you’re suffering from, have been diagnosed with, or have a loved one you suspect is suffering from an anxiety-related condition, see this page on generalized anxiety disorder from the Mayo Clinic.

Or, you may also be interested in these mental health apps and tools for these issues from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). Remember that there is always help available and you’re not weird, weak or worthless to need it, because there are millions of us who know what you’re feeling, and we’ve always got the room for a new friend.

MakeItOK.org and StigmaFree

Mental Health Information

Anxiety is a broad mental health disease that affects every person differently. Whether or not you have received an official diagnosis for your disorder, there are excellent resources available online to help you better understand your mental health.

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264). If you are in a crisis or looking for mental health information, you can call NAMI’s 24/7 helpline for free support. NAMI has programs designed specifically for those who identify as living with a mental health condition, caregivers, veterans, teens, and LGBTQ.

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 800-662-HELP (4357). This national helpline is available 24/7 in English and Spanish for anyone facing a substance abuse or mental health disorder. You can call the helpline at any time to speak with a trained information specialist who can provide you with local resources and support.

• MentalHealth.gov: This website provides information about mental health disorders and how to get help. There are several helplines listed on the page, and you can enter your zip code to find mental health services in your state or zip code.

• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): This is an excellent and reliable resource to learn more about anxiety disorders. You can read about signs and symptoms, what treatment and commonly used therapies for treatment, and much more.

Anxiety Hotlines

Staffed by qualified support representatives, anxiety helplines can help answer your questions about mental health issues. If you want to know what the symptoms of an anxiety disorder are, your treatment options for anxiety, or how to find local support groups and anxiety services, you can always call a helpline.

If this is a medical emergency or you are having any suicidal thoughts, call 911.

These helplines are a valuable resource when your anxiety has reached an overwhelming point and you need someone to talk to:

• Crisis Text Line: Text CONNECT to 741741. When you text this helpline, you’ll get individualized support from trained counselors.

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you are having suicidal thoughts, you can reach out at any time for free and confidential support.    
• Mental Health America: This website offers anxiety screening tests that you can take, as well as a way for you to contact the program and speak to someone.