Gratitude: Why We Struggle to Show Employees We Value Them

Grateful bosses help employees feel valued. And when employees feel valued, they’re more engaged, less stressed, more focused and more likely to stay with your organization, according to an HBR.org study.

With all these benefits, why don’t all bosses shower on the praise?

I recently heard an executive-level individual admit that he’s not good at saying “thank you” to people on his team. He sometimes feels that a job well done is just that — an employee simply doing what’s expected — with no “thank you” needed. I’ve also heard friends complain about spouses who want to be thanked for doing household tasks that are just part of daily life, and they too don’t feel the “thank you” is warranted.

Why all this stinginess when it comes to saying “thank you”?

Turns out this exec and those friends are not alone in their sometimes-sluggish displays of gratitude. Research suggests that differences in our brains, genes and personalities make showing gratitude difficult for some people. Gene CD38, which is involved in the secretion of oxytocin, and gene COMT, which is involved in recycling dopamine, may be a contributing factor. Several studies also link differences in brain structure and activity in people who show varying levels of gratitude. And certain personality factors such as envy, materialism, narcissism, and cynicism are also thought to be “thieves of thankfulness,” according to Summer Allen for greatergood.berkeley.edu.

But can we afford to allow these natural tendencies to become an excuse? Changing our behavior takes self-awareness and practice. But before we get specific, let’s talk more about what employees really want.
 

Valuing employees for who they are

Noticing when someone reaches a goal … taking the time to acknowledge, celebrate and reward that achievement makes almost anyone feel good about their work. This kind of recognition is most common in organizations. But what about celebrating the individual employee?

Is it really recognition for great work that employees crave? Or rather, is it feeling valued as a person?

In their book WE: How to Increase Performance and Profits through Full Engagement, Rudy Karsan and Kevin Kruse make this distinction and suggest that it’s the latter. “As a whole, organizations are especially weak in creating an environment where employees truly feel valued.”

Letting an employee know that you’re glad they're part of your team makes them feel valued. Certainly, you should celebrate the accomplishments. But don’t ignore the person.
 

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8 suggestions to help employees feel valued:

1. Be intentional with everyday conversations. This from themuse.com suggests “that a big part of feeling valued occurs when employees are aware that they add something to the company that no one else can.” As you assign projects, reiterate why you’re choosing them and/or why you’re giving them more challenging work.
2. Create opportunities for new experiences. This from forbes.com suggests that you pay attention when employees show interest in aspects of the business outside their jobs. Give them opportunities to step outside their usual roles. Let them explore budding interests. Challenge them. Invest in them. Help them grow.
3. Let employees make important decisions. This from businessnewsdaily.com suggests that showing employees that you trust their opinions and expertise goes a long way toward showing employees you value them.
4. Give genuine compliments. Whether for the whole team or for the individual, compliments show that you’re paying attention. These can be verbal, emails or notes and should be specific.
5. Be a champion for your employees’ good work. Tell others about the work the individuals on your team are doing. Compliment your employees (using their names) to your boss or the CEO. If someone in a higher position or even another department takes notice of someone on your team, it tells employees that they are being noticed and discussed at a higher level.
6. Build relationships with individuals. Most employees enjoy speaking with their boss on a personal level. Take the time to get to know each person — their interests, challenges and lives. In addition to giving your employees the relationship with their boss they want, it also opens the door if there’s a problem or concern on either side.
7. Show respect. Take time to listen to (and understand) an employee’s concerns or ideas. If at first you don’t agree, ask questions until you completely understand his or her view.
8. Fair pay and benefits. These foundational elements must be in place for expressions of gratitude to work. If you’re underpaying your workers, if they feel job insecurity or struggle with work/life balance, your organization is sending a message, suggests Tori Fica for bamboohr.com.  

We work in an everyone-is-replaceable world.

Don’t like your boss or your job? Send out a résumé and find a new one. Don’t like the price you’re getting from a vendor? Buy from someone else. Employee’s skills or attitude stagnating? Replace them rather than educate them.

Certainly, as Kruse and Karsan outline in their book, employees and employers are equal partners in the drive to full engagement. But organizations and managers can take a big step in doing our part by truly valuing employees — building loyalty. This means recognizing them for who they are and the unique perspectives they bring to our businesses (regardless of whether it comes naturally to us or not).