The Hidden Superpower of Self-Restraint at Work

Don’t eat the donut. Don’t buy the shoes. Don’t yawn in the meeting. Don’t say what you might be thinking. Impulse control, self-restraint, willpower – in life and in our jobs, regulating our own behavior is necessary.

According to psychologists, the average person spends three to four hours a day resisting impulses. If it sounds like a lot, consider that most of it goes unnoticed by others. A situation at work frustrates you but you are calm. A plate of brownies tempts you, but you resist. No one knows how frustrated you were or how much you craved the brownies; so, your impulse control goes undetected. “One of the most unsatisfying things about practicing restraint is that nobody knows you are practicing it,” wrote fiction author Anne Tyler.

Consider the variance in self-regulation and what you can do:

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Some personalities exhibit a higher capacity for impulse control.

Psychologists point to a set of traits referred to as conscientiousness as playing a role.  Individuals with this personality trait tend to be focused, organized, detail-oriented, careful, responsible, and motivated, with a stronger need and expectation to feel in control. Nature, nurture and culture all play a role in personality. (It should be noted that this article does not cover mental health conditions characterized by impulse control disorders.)

Practice is a factor in impulse control.

Consider an elementary school teacher practicing tolerance when corralling 25 rowdy 8 year olds every day. Regardless of the individual’s personality, daily demands for patience may have raised their ability to remain in control despite the mayhem.

Impulse control can be depleted.

Willpower and self-control are limited resources. Feeling one way and acting another takes energy (as do other intentional cognitive activities such as decision making). A day of resisting impulses and responding to people in measured, thoughtful ways can use up those resources. By the end of a long day, a typically-patient frontline worker may snap. If you’re feeling depleted, fuel could help. Researchers from American Psychological Association have found that people showed improvements in self-control after eating. Glucose is fuel for the brain (proving that “hangry” is a real condition and that a snack might help you regain your composure when self-regulation is waning).

Self-control can be strengthened.

Even as adults and despite personality inclinations, people can develop better self-regulation (beyond the temporary fix of food and even if your job doesn’t allow for unrelenting practice).

Much of our behavior is habitual. Changing habits starts with self-awareness – noticing and then intentionally overriding our habitual ways of doing things. We take deliberate control over our actions. Psychologists tell us that even small changes such as brushing your teeth with the opposite hand or taking a new route to work change neural pathways. More directly in line would be identifying situations where you usually fly off the handle and being more intentional in your responses – pausing before you respond so you act (rather than react) in a way you choose.

Self-regulation is a vital part of a successful career in almost any field. Without it, we say whatever comes to mind and act in impulsive ways before we think about consequences. While some people may be predisposed to more self-control, with practice, we can strengthen this desirable quality.