EQ 101: What is Emotional Intelligence (and Why You Need to Care)

Have you ever wished you could stay emotionally centered, positive and productive, no matter how difficult the people or the situations are around you? If you answered yes, then this blog is for you. And, if you work with someone you think could use this advice, feel free to accidentally leave it on their desk, work locker, lunch tray or even underneath their car windshield wiper. Don’t worry…they’ll get the hint.

Emotions connect us to everything in life

Today, I’m going to discuss ways to gain emotional self-control and improve performance, relationships and overall happiness. By understanding emotional intelligence, otherwise known as EQ, you’ll empower yourself to tackle life’s challenges with a new sense of discipline. And even better, this is something that can work in both your professional and personal life.

Specifically, I’ll show you the four main components of emotional intelligence and the benefits of understanding your EQ.

What is emotional intelligence?

First, let’s talk about what emotional intelligence is and why it’s showing up so much in the workplace. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to manage your emotions and the emotions of others. Whether you are a CEO, a team member, or an individual contributor, it is imperative that you develop your emotional intelligence.

How do you increase your effectiveness and your skillset to add this benefit in your workplace? How can you become a better person who can interact and communicate with others more successfully and increase your own emotional intelligence by developing skills?

Here are the four main components of emotional intelligence:

1. The very first component is called self-management. This is being aware of your emotions as you’re experiencing them or, in other words, really tuning into your emotions. Recognize when you start to feel emotional. You do that by listening to your body for physical signs that you’re having an emotional response.

   For example, you’re in a meeting and, based on the conversation, the meeting takes a turn towards something unpleasant or difficult. You might notice that you feel a little warm, or your heart rate starts to increase. These are warning signs from our body that tells us we are having an emotional reaction. The key is to recognize it when it is happening because once those physical feelings begin, you’re already in an emotional state. Whether it’s sweaty palms, flushed cheeks or a nervous stomach, you want to become aware of it.

2. The second component is managing those feelings. Once you’re aware of it, think about things you can do now to calm yourself. For some people, it may be gently placing your hands on your legs. For others, it could be taking long, slow breaths. Other people have talked about standing up or moving to shift the energy, but in any case, you want to do something that allows you to manage that emotion before it overtakes you. Another powerful technique is visualization and imagining yourself in a position or place that calms you.

3. The third component of emotional intelligence is recognizing the emotions of others. For example, you may be talking, and suddenly, you notice the person you’re talking to starts to tear up and cry, or there are significant changes in their body language. Chances are they’re experiencing an emotion. They might not be aware of it, but you see those changes. You can do a few things like adjusting and adapting what you’re saying or doing, or you can ask, “Is everything ok?” Help them identify and discover what that emotion is.

   This is also a fantastic opportunity to practice remaining calm and empathize with another person. It is OK to ask the person if they’d like to come back and talk later by giving him or her permission to take a break from the conversation.

4. The fourth component is being able to develop and nurture your relationship with others. As you become more aware of your emotions, you can help other people manage theirs as well. I don’t mean you are going to walk around and start spotting emotions everywhere and saying to people, “Oh, you are really upset. You should try this.” Instead, you will recognize and understand people in the situation.

   For example, if you have a question, you go to your boss’s office, and you notice that your boss seems frenzied, hurried and distracted. As an emotionally intelligent person, you’re not going to stop your boss and ask your question. Instead, you might ask, “ Is there anything I can help you with?” or say, “I can come back later.” Emotional intelligence is recognizing it’s not the right time to have a conversation, especially if it’s something of a challenging or difficult nature.

   You may also find that it’s difficult to read another person who is unemotional. In these instances, being proactive by checking in and asking for feedback from the other person helps you understand their emotions and develop a stronger relationship.

   The fourth component combines with the other three in a way that nurtures and fosters good working relationships. In other words, you recognize other people and create an understanding of them so that you can avoid those kinds of situations.

Master your emotions and take control of every incident that happens at work

You may have heard that you shouldn’t have emotions in the workplace, but that is unrealistic. The truth is that if we leave our emotions at the door and we ignore our anger, grief and fear at work, we miss out on sharing our positive emotions like joy, passion, excitement and happiness.

By learning how to manage your emotions, you can create appropriate emotional responses and recognize your own emotions, feelings and triggers. You don’t want to be a robot and detach from your emotions. You just want to learn to manage them.